"omg i hate small talk its so fake!!" like damn u must be so fucking annoying. its called being nice. if i was at a party and i was like "how r your classes going" and you were like "ugh lets skip that i KNOW u dont really CARE about my classes and i dont care about YOURS" i would log out of there so fucking fast
A professional script reader read 300 screenplays for five different studios, all the while tracking the many recurring problems. The infographic he made with the collected data offers a glimpse at where screenwriting goes wrong.
pay attention to this
this is important even if you don’t write scripts
2. Some fungi are not edible more than once.
|—||Terry Pratchett, Discworld (via johanirae)|
Inspired by every student whose told they can’t be an artist because it doesn’t “make enough money”.
Yeah too bad my passions and hobbies cost money.
This is where I live. WITH A FUCKING JOB
I have some words for OP.
Money may not buy happiness, but it will pay for clothes for my eventual kids. If all I ever wanted to support was a cat, my life would be significantly more simple.
That said, it’s a nice comic.
See More Ultrafactsmy first bf tried to shame me for getting so grumpy when I’m hungry. I was like, “fuck that, gimme some snax or I’m gonna chew on your hyoid bone.”
My mom would make this peas and turkey baby food by cooking peas and turkey and then blending it up into baby food, with some mild spices for deliciousness. I believe she also did a homemade banana thing and a carrot thing and just generally did a lot of ‘just because you’re a baby doesn’t mean I won’t do culinary experiments with you’ stuff.
this is my fucking favorite thing ever i love it so so so so much i cnt even explain its just s o goo d
it has been… months since my last pattern so clearly I had to fix that with some axolotl things.
I wanted to try my hand at doing a pattern from watercolor paintings again- something I tried before last year (and the origin of axolotl-teacup idea)
I’m so much happier with how this one came out!!! I’ll probably do this process again, but I’d also like to figure out how to make it look good on a non-white background…
anyway, as usual you’re welcome to use this for blog backgrounds, but please credit me somewhere if you do! I’ll probably eventually be making bags and??? thigh highs????
OH MY GOD
Another design I want a lolita dress made from
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.
that last one…perf